What Am I Doing Here? Am I Doing the “RIGHT” Thing?

For as long as I have been alive – yes 25 years now, don’t rub it in 😦 I saw so many different career paths for myself ballerina, actress, veterinarian, dolphin trainer, animal sanctuary owner, lawyer, dentist, teacher, psychiatrist/psychologist, doctor, surgeon, accountant, consultant, yogi, translator, wedding planner, environmental org. worker – you name it and at some point it was at minimum a consideration. I have never known 100% what I wanted to accomplish in this lifetime or what my legacy would be, I just have always known that it is important that I am on the track to success.

The one thing that I always knew from day one or (the day one of my memory) is that I wanted to be a mom. At some point a young mom, but up until I was BLESSED and SURPRISED with my pregnancy – just being a mom in the future was enough for me. Now, I have a month until I meet the love of my life and I am constantly asking myself what I need to do to be the best mom that I can be to her?

Do I work? Do I stay home? Will we have enough if I stay home? What kind of job can I do while being with her? What can I do that is meaningful? Most of my time is spent thinking about these questions and researching what other people are doing in my situation. But what works for some does not necessarily work for all.

I can’t explain exactly how most of the last 7 years of my life passed by but they did and a lot of them passed without a definite feel on where I am going. I changed my major four times – psychology, biology, education and then history finally and managed to graduate in 3 years. Where does a history major get you? I don’t know. I ended up working for a string of non-profits and sort of created a little niche for myself. I have no desire however to get further education in the field that I am working in and have never been sure that this is what I want to do. I work hard because I want to be successful and because I morally feel that if you are getting paid to do something you should put in hard work and effort to get it done. My work ethic and natural abilities have allowed me to shine in my current work place and have even pushed me up the promotion ladder.

Now I am faced with a serious challenge about what to do for my family. Do I stay home? I have student loans and credit cards and life expenses that I was not planning on having when I started a family. I also feel somewhat responsible to contribute financially to my household. Additionally, I want to be able to buy a house and eventually have more children. What about healthcare? If we get married, I lose my dad’s healthcare which is phenomenal. My healthcare at my job is great but if I’m working it goes poof!

It was my birthday on Saturday and B was asking me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him that I want answers. I want to stay home and I want to work but I know the value of a work life balance and I want to be able to work on my terms – not any one else’s so this is where I have gotten myself:

  1. I need a job that I can manage by myself, something that is flexible and can work on a mom schedule. I need to create/provide a service that others will find valuable.
  2. Health and healthcare are very important to me. If we are not healthy, we are not doing our children a service. I want to be in the best shape for my baby and I want her to benefit from the foods I eat. I realize that this wasn’t as much of a concern to me as it should be and I know that my pregnancy would have been even more smooth sailing if I had been doing yoga and eating organic more.
  3. I like to help people/animals (as you can see through my running list of potential jobs).
  4. I want my blog and social media efforts to be part of my future job.

Here is what I have come to the conclusion of doing. For the next few months I am going to do a lot of research and put a lot of effort into making my health and the health of my family a serious priority. Going all organic and removing toxins (as much as I can – we live in NYC), as well as encouraging fitness and yoga in our lives. If I can commit and can see a difference and obviously, I will be blogging along the way. I am going to save and start a plan to become a Nutritionist/Dietitian. A job that I can blog with, I can manage on my own by scheduling my own appointments, a job where I can help other people and a job that helps me focus on my priority of living healthy for my family.

Sorry this was so long. Questions? Comments? Feedback?

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